Merry-go-round

Sometimes when the world spins out of control, you don’t have to spin with it. Just stand, stare, look in amazement how the colours intertwine. Colours of people holding on to bitterness. Colours of earth destroyed by all that is against it. Colours of buildings torn down by nature’s force.

Like a merry-go-round calling your name, you want to jump on and spin along. But don’t allow the chaos to grab hold of you. Don’t give in to what may seem like a joy ride, because at the end the feeling of sickness will overwhelm you. Your head will spin along, trying to hold on, but instead it will lose its sense of direction. It will walk into deadly situations. It will lead you to a world of unfamiliar places.

Stand bold, stand tall, and stand your ground. Don’t spin around. Just keep your feet on the solid ground. You will be amazed at the reward for not spinning around. You will be able to walk straight and face obstacles without a spinning mind. You will wonder how you are the only one who does not spin around. But that’s okay, because you are on the ground. A ground so solid and stable. A ground which has a foundation secure to the depths of the earth. Just stand tall, be strong and don’t give in to the merry-go-round. You will be fine. Keep standing. You will be more than fine.

A week with my grandparents

On the 19th February I drove up to Paulpietersburg. It was my granny's 80th birthday party that weekend, and I decided to stay for the entire following week. I learnt so much from my granny, and my grandpa was just too funny that week. I should post a video of him pulling faces! You'd fall off your chair it's so funny. For those that don't know, my gran is on the verge of losing her sight completely. My grandpa has difficulty with his hearing, and after 2 hip replacements he struggles to walk and uses two crutches to aid him. However, these two still make the most of life. Every morning my grandpa reads the Bible to my gran, and they pray together. Despite my grandmother's impaired vision, she still works in the kitchen, from baking bread to making jam, and she looks after my grandpa with love and care. She is my hero.

During my week long visit, the first thing my granny taught me to make was fig jam. It's quite a process, but the final result is extremely rewarding! A feeling of pride comes with it. At the end I took a piece of bread and scraped out the jam left over in the pot. DELICIOUS!!!

Then my granny taught me how to make pea soup and dumplings, apple mousse and chocolate coated rice crispie balls. I am so honoured to have learnt how to make these things. I feel like an Italian... you know when the granny passes the family recipes down to the next generation! Except, I'm German and my granny's cooking is much better! I was going to share the recipes on the blog but I think I'll rather keep it a family secret.

Another thing that I'll never forget is sitting on the couch with my grandmother and looking at a globe of the world. With the little sight that she has, she admired the world and asked me what the names of the countries were. It touched my heart. Once, she said, "It's so amazing how the sun stands still and the world spins around it, but we don't fall over".

I love my grandparents, and I am privileged to still have them in my life.

Relaxing

My gran checking the jam

Fig jam

Peeling apples to make apple mousse

My granny's hand much bigger than mine

Some things on my heart, written in the middle of the night. Might sound cliche, but it's meaningful to me.

Dreams in boxes

If dreams have no boundaries, then why do we store them in boxes; afraid to grab hold of them and experience the pleasure of reaching the unreachable. Why do we allow ourselves the heartache many years down the line, looking back and uttering words of "what if". We are so afraid of failure. Consumed with contentment and settling for what we can achieve without a leap of faith. Instead of aiming high, we sit. We surrender to our fear of failure, and forever wonder "what if".




River with bends


When a river comes to a bend, do you feel like it's the end? But if you continue with the route, it will be like a parachute grabbing hold of you. 


You will see that life has bends, twists and turns that we can't mend. But learn to trust and just believe, to achieve a destiny that's been mapped for you. 


So go along and don't be scared, for all this time you have prepared, to seize the day and if you may, a life of wonders to display. Go fly around up in the sky. Reach your dreams so very high. For you will make it in the end, with help from Jesus, your Best Friend.

2 month update

Wow, I can't believe how much has happened in 2 months. It's like having to catch up on a lifetime. I have come to the realization that I should put more effort into this blog. Let me get started.

So, not much happened during December. I was at home helping around the house. However, I went away for Christmas to a little town called Paulpietersburg. It's so little that it's hardly seen on the map. You could drive through it and not even know that it exists. The town has one robot, two or three Chinese shops, a Spar and a PEP store (to name the few stores that are there). What more does one need? Retail therapy is unheard of and at the end of the day, it does not matter either. The town is surrounded by magnificent farm lands that one can't help but to be absorbed by the beauty. And so, I put on my imaginary 3D glasses, sat back and let the scenery amaze me. Although I spent Christmas with family, my immediate family (my parents, sister and brother-in-law) were not there to celebrate the birth of Jesus with me. For the first time I knew what it was like to feel alone amongst family. 

                                                             

On the 1st of January, Petra (my cousin) and I decided to surprise my aunt with a visit. She lives on a farm with her husband and 3 daughters. The day was spent swimming in a river and standing behind a waterfall. I'll never forget that moment when we helped each other enter the water curtain and stood behind the raging water. There was such a small space to stand. Hugging each other (to prevent us from falling off the edge) we stood, laughing, gasping for air and just taking in the moment. 5 girls, cousins by blood, friends at heart. That memory will never be forgotten.

4th January: I woke up with a tummy bug, and so did Marco (my other cousin). Worst of all is that we had to drive to Pretoria that morning, which is a 4 hour trip. I thought to myself, "We will be the first people to have experienced all the bathrooms in that 400km trip". Thankfully our tummies behaved and the trip went without a glitch.

The Big Move:

On the 5th of January, I literally had 24 hours to find boxes, pack up my room in Pretoria and move back to the coast. I think I burnt 10 000 calories that day. My muscles were screaming for dear life. The next morning at 7am, Petra helped me squeeze 20 bags into my little car. For those that don't know, I have a Chevrolet Spark. How I fit 20 bags into the back is still seen as a miracle to this day. After having new tyres fit on and fetching my renewed drivers licence that morning, the 8 hour road-trip home began. Petra was the best co-driver I could have asked for. We giggled, we ate, we sang, we sat in silence, we admired the scenery around us. It was pure joy!

My car in surgery

Petra reading magazines while waiting for the car to get new tyres

Breath-taking scenery during the road trip

Bombshell News:

The day I left Pretoria was also the day I heard that our house was sold in Umtentweni. Such bitter sweet news rang in my ears. Here I was on my way home, which technically wasn't home anymore. I had become a gypsy. It was a lot to process in a few seconds, but the more it milled over in my head, the more excitement began to sprout. So, the house hunting began in Durban. While my mom was being monitored in hospital for two weeks in January, my dad and I went in search of our new family home. Tiring it was indeed, but after many days and sleepless nights (because of searching for houses online until early hours of the morning), we found our perfect home. While driving down the street, I already sensed that we were on our way "home". Walking through the front door, a bell went off in my head. My dad and I looked at each other and said, "This is it, this is our home". We quickly fetched my mom from hospital to show her the home. After her approval, my parents signed the papers and it was a done deal.

Job Hunting:

With my rifle at hand (rifle = CV or Resume) I am in search of my perfect first job. Many people say that the perfect first job doesn't exist, but I have some optimism and have started to believe that it does. On the 12th of January I went for my first job interview. I got the job, but I was unsure. Deciding to just accept it (because that's what any "normal" person would do) I still continued sending out my CV. Going for a second job interview, I received that one too. Now I sat with two in my bag but not sure about either. So I declined them both. Yes, it sounds silly and terribly ungrateful, and I have had sleepless nights about it, believe me! But I just decided that I can't accept a job if I am unhappy about it from day one. Something that I have had to learn is that I cannot have poor self-worth. Both those jobs only needed a martic certificate and no further qualification. I feel that I have studied hard for 4 years and should apply for jobs that require a tertiary qualification. All my life I have settled for less, but now I am taking a stand and will not settle just for the sake of it. Now I'm back at home and applying for hundreds of careers that I know I'll love. I am also doing a few boerewors promotions to earn some extra money and helping to pack boxes at home. Every time my phone rings I get butterflies in my tummy, wondering if someone is inviting me for a job interview. It's a cruel and emotional time, but I know when I do get my dream job, it would all have been worth it. I will value it so much more! 

The next time I post on my blog, I hope it will be good news about a job. Let's wait and see ;)

Home is where the heart is.

I have been home for a week already. It's odd how time goes by so quickly, yet feels like one is stuck in a time warpe of some sort. It lingers on and on, yet spins out of control. Last Tuesday seems like a blur. I had to pack in an instant, bid farewell to my friends, jump on a plane, and next minute it hit me. I was in the air, leaving behind all that was familiar for the past 4 years. University life was now history. My friends are moving on. Nothing will ever be the same again. Yet when I arrived at my parents' home, it felt as if I had never left. But then again, it shouldn't feel strange. This is where the heart is. Like a child feeling content when listening to its mother's heartbeat, this is what home is to me. .

I was supposed to be in Pretoria until mid December, helping an agency with an adoption campaign. However, God had other plans. I had to come home to help my mother recover. She had a Thyroid cancer operation (at the same time as my father). She has had a few complications along the way and has taken longer to recover than him. While he is away on business a few days of the week, I keep my mother company so that the loneliness does not creep in. Some feel sorry for me, for having to sacrifice a great opportunity that could have set my career. I felt so too a few weeks ago. But God was busy preparing my heart for this time. He was making it soft so that when the time came for me to decide between my parents or career, the latter was not an option. I was reminded that it is an honour for a child to take care of their parents. As a recent graduate, I do not have the finances to care financially for my parents, but God has given me the privilege to care for them by serving them. A helping hand can go a long way. It is the thing that brings warmth to the heart.

I trust that this will be a blessed time at home, for home is truly where the heart is.

New Chapter

And so, I stand before a new chapter in my life, with brand new pages waiting to be written. But it is not I who holds the pen in hand. It is He who guides me through every sentence, every word and punctuation. As I wade through the pages, I will not look upon the past, but what lies ahead. There is a destiny to grab hold of, a promise so true. I will not walk alone through these pages. I will not fear. For the Lord is near. He is near to those who seek Him. "Seek and ye shall find, My child". Words so simple, and yet we make it so complex. For we do not want to seek. We are creatures living for the now, wanting to read the final chapter before we have even lived through the book. It is the process that makes us stronger. The process that teaches us to live by faith. So trust in the Skillful Writer. For He will lead the way. He has numbered the pages and gives us a brand new day.